Mars is Bright Tonight
by Pollux Unbound
Summary: Iruka is getting married, much to Kakashi's unhappiness. "Do you even think of me?" The Jounin asks anyway. Iruka's answer inside. Oneshot. KakaIru. Angst. This sucks.


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Naruto.

**Caution**: Buckle up for a short and angstsy ride. This sucks by the way.

If it were anything less painful to witness, Iruka would have easily passed on the news with a sincere smile. But Hatake Kakashi absorbed the information with the same indifference he would exercise had he learned of tragic news from the far abroad. Indeed, the best indication of understanding that he could procure was to take a sip from his cup and to nod listlessly. This simply declared he had heard it all and there was nothing more to say.

"Have a nice day, Kakashi."

The Jounin heard the door close to announce his being alone again in his solitary four-cornered apartment. Like drifter distraught, he sighed in recollection of the memories contained in that chamber, memories of too endearing qualities to lose his grips on and, all the same, too tormenting to still hold securely. Agonizing as it was, he did not possess the power to cast them into oblivion if only to resume the life of no worries he once had before he came into his life—or after he went away. However needless to say he was harboring a deep attachment to those memories, and all that the other left behind, he would very much love to regain complete sanity by having the heart to destroy them.

So the world just turned, life went on and turned its back on him, or at least that was how he felt. The long and short of it was, everything that was happening simply prevented his access to happiness. But, of course, most dominating, not to mention most damning, among these was Iruka's upcoming wedding. It was no longer logical to defend his sorrowful support for the continuity of their past, fading as it was like the colors in an old painting, because surely he could easily discard this hopelessness and live with whatever life had to offer. And life had too much to offer. After all, what could be more flattering than having people always whispering in the presence of an exalted personage that was him? What could possibly be more uplifting than knowing he was a future candidate for the next hokage? Of all things, he was capable of forsaking his hopeful aspirations of their reunion; rest assured he was. But, more than leaving behind this barrenness, he had the choice to forever leave this illusion forlornly unattended, unheeded, and, finally, from thereon immerse himself in basking in the glory of his generally acknowledged brilliance as a shinobi. Yet the sorrows did not leave—on the contrary, they were indeed further enhanced by the enveloping darkness and the stillness of the night.

Iruka's wedding was brief. As the post-ceremony celebration was nearing its end, Kakashi did not think it wise to treat himself to several more minutes of heartache. As such, he paid his congratulations to the newlyweds and took his leave.

He took the sadistic pleasure of recounting the ceremony's events as if they were objects to hold dear. He pictured Iruka's face. Immense delight wouldn't have done it justice, though infinite bliss would perhaps done so. The smile and the laughter, the Jounin knew too well, did not even slightly vary from the ones he long ago was so fond of. In fact, he was often the reason behind them. For whatever gravity of pain he was currently bathing in, he didn't elicit the smallest signs of difficulties. Having been trained by his greatness the 4th Hokage, Kakashi was capable of restricting his emotions or the display thereof in the shabbiest degree. _Perhaps it pays to be a good ninja in this kind of situation_, he thought.

Weeks passed, months maybe, and nothing especially beautiful occurred to somehow salvage his dampened enthusiasm. He was, however, still capable of accomplishing assigned missions with high distinctions. Sometimes, his vast collection of the Icha Icha Paradise series would do well in lighting his way to momentarily forgetting the Chuunin. Sometimes he would find joy from the strangest sources. But, more often than not, he would find himself helplessly relishing in his own distress.

He took a walk on the dimly lit streets of Konoha, spying on the nightly activities of the residents visible from their windows. Upon reaching a familiar building, he stopped his pace to stare at the open window in the 3rd floor. Umino Iruka's silhouette could be made out against the yellow light emitted by the lone fixture in the room. Having noticed his presence, the Chuunin immediately went down to meet the gray-haired ninja.

"Kakashi" Iruka addressed solemnly.

"Yosh"

"It's kinda late for a stroll."

"What, now you're worried I might catch a cold?" Kakashi asked in a mocking voice.

"Sempai, please don't start."

"Since when did you start calling me 'sempai'?"

"What is this all about?"

"You tell me; you're the one who went down to meet me." The Jounin answered smugly.

"Ok…Goodnight, Kakashi." That would've marked the end of that bordering on unpleasant encounter. Iruka was to head back to the apartment building when Kakashi spoke,

"Do you even think of me, Iruka?" It wasn't a pleading call, nor was there any hint of desperation. It was rather transparently soliciting, if anything.

"…" A moderately tense silence ensued, hence in this enclosure of wordless minutes Iruka could only stare at him with sympathetic eyes.

"Don't give me that look; I've had enough of them from everything that reminds me of you."

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because you're too thick to realize or to give the slightest attention to the fact that I've been chasing your shadow all along." Kakashi almost hissed the words.

"We're living very different lives now. Apart from that, I never thought it would be easy."

"So it just boils down to differences, huh? Shortcomings, misgivings, and misunderstandings— it's really that shallow." Kakashi answered in biting sarcasm.

"Sempai, we were young, non-suspecting, and undeniably happy, but now things have changed."

"Or maybe you wanted to change—leave everything behind, including me. Don't tell me it was just a teenager's unthinking, careless, ignorant, and mindless shot at that four-letter word."

"Kakashi, it's been eleven years. I—" Iruka could not finish,

"You what? You hardly remember how I made you feel? You think time heals and erases anything?" With his tone of voice threatening mayhem, Kakashi was clearly veering out of his usual conduct.

Losing his side of the argument, the Chuunin seized his chance in giving the other a trip to reality, and so he spoke, "As you ought to remember, sempai, _you_ left me; you're the one who called it quits. Now I don't see why I should be held responsible for your self-inflicted agony."

Silence ensued once more, leaving them both in an awkward torment. And then slowly, through clenched teeth, Kakashi spoke,

"Technically, I left you, but practically you pushed me away. How dare you forget you were the one who told me you couldn't see it working?"

"…"

Continuing, Kakashi would not allow a single moment of repose, "I can be hopping mad about your excuses, about me having a paved way to greatness and you to mediocrity, yet somehow I have looked past that. To be clear, I have, as a matter of fact, looked past many terrible things. But you getting married _tops_ them all." Needless to say that the demonstrated straightforwardness surrendered his dignity within seconds of uttering this, it was also pointless to try to take it back, especially now when he had very little spirit left to defend his standpoint, or whatever else he wished to fight for. For all he knew, there was nothing left worth suffering for, and perhaps, for once, he was right.

As for Iruka, he could hardly contort himself to the necessary posture to alleviate the stricken expression he now sported. But eventually he spoke,

"I do not deny that I was threatened by our differences and by how they would inevitably drift you farther from me. I also am not stating now that our fallout was all a tragic misunderstanding, a grave miscommunication. But _you_ had a choice. You had a choice not to leave me because you could have pursued greatness with me beside you. In the end, you didn't. And now, hahaha," Iruka laughed softly and bitterly, "I guess we _never_ really moved on. I doubt if we ever will." The volume of his voice faded as he pronounced the last word, disposing Kakashi all at once to a more lurid feeling.

This time, it was Kakashi's turn to fall speechless. He was on the verge of a bitterly satirical remark, of hurling incriminations and shooting holes at the Chuunin's short speech but thought better of it. Instead, he muttered,

"You're married. That's the most profound reality here. It's all I need to know how much you've moved on." The Jounin said in a not too harsh or too forgiving manner.

"It's all the medicine I need to free myself from the disease that is you. Eleven years is pushing it. I thought you'd come back. You never did, rather you came too late. You were chasing me, you say, but only with your eyes, I reckon. And one of them is covered. How did you expect me to understand? I will spare you the trouble of telling me what should happen to us now; we'll just live our lives wounded and sundered, our connection forever marred, if there remains any…We'll..."

"…take the punches every day all because we failed to see." Kakashi finished Iruka's speech for him, finally succumbing to defeat. Sighing before throwing a last look at the Chuunin, the Jounin slowly turned away, as time seemed to tick in the very same manner, thereby commencing his departure.

"You ask me if I think of you," Iruka spoke. This pulled Kakashi to a stop. The Chuunin continued with his throat too tight to keep his voice straight, "Not a day passed when I didn't…nor will the day come that I'll ever stop to."

**END**

**NOTE:** I know, I know, it sucks big time. Thanks for reading though.


End file.
